Not a 1x2x3x4x5 sap
by Caffeinated Iniquity
Summary: The challenge from my friend was to write a 1x2x3x4x5 sap. I promtly refused and this was the result.


Definitely not a 1x2x3x4x5 sap  
  
Trowa crouched in the tall grass and peered about anxiously. Danger was everywhere. With the skill that being an acrobat had graced him with, he moved forward, one step at a time without letting a single blade of grass crunch beneath his clown-booted feet. Straight ahead lay the safe house and certainly whatever was plaguing his senses couldn't bother him there. He gulped soundlessly and straightened his uni-bang, ready for the sudden sprint to shelter.  
  
Suddenly a Gundam-ball popped out of the air above and came hurtling down towards him. He barely had the time to make the sign language equivalent of a scream before he found himself swallowed and rendered helpless.  
  
"Goody Gumdrops with ice-cream!" Quatre hurrahed, entering the small clump of grass where Trowa had just previously crouched. He clapped his hands together in excitement and picked up the Gundam-ball reverently. "I finally caught my very first Trowa," he cooed, nuzzling the red and white ball against his cheek. Quatre reached into his pocket and brought out his Gundam-dex to check his progress so far. "This is wonderful, just wonderful," he giggled uncontrollably. "Only three more Gundam-mon to go!"  
  
Offhandedly, Quatre's innocent amusement suddenly transformed into mutated maniacal laughter. So the other pilots had actually thought he was one of them, eh? They had actually thought he was Arabian! An Arabian with blonde hair and fair skin that burned to a crisp when he got anywhere near the sun? Quatre took a strand of his golden locks in his finders and frowned. Some people were complete fools. Oh, well. All had worked to his advantage. He had been able to infiltrate the pilots perfectly and starting today, they would all be in his permanent collection! "And then I can do with them as I please! Ahahahahahahahaha!" He still couldn't believe that every single one of them had ignored his advances with a simple 'you're too young Quatre, go play with your tinker toys.' Well, someday soon he would be the world's greatest Gundam-mon master and then they would be sorry the had rebuked him.  
  
Somewhere in the distant grass, a blood curdling Nyaaarrrrr echoed, flushing out a few hapless pheasants from their nests and making the far- off copse of trees resonate with the call.  
  
Quatre shuddered and hurriedly put away his Gundam-dex and new Gundam-mon. Relena was also about, making her collection bigger.  
  
* * *  
  
Wufei sat inside the safe house at the kitchen table with his permanent glower even more obvious than usual. "This new raisin bran cereal is for onnas!" he ranted, raising his spoon above his head and waving it about menacingly in all directions except toward the bowl it was supposed to be collaborating with. "I demand you hand over my Sugar-choco-powdered- justice-crispies!"  
  
"Wu-puppy," Duo sighed, munching away at a carrot. "You have to eat a well balanced meal every morning to start the day off right."  
  
"I cannot execute justice properly without my Sugar-choco-powdered-justice- crispies!" There was a long silence in which Wufei looked like he was trying to remember what else he was supposed to say. Duo waited patiently for the inevitable. ".oh right. AND STOP CALLING ME WU-PUPPY! MY NAME IS WUFEI."  
  
The back and front doors of the safe house both slammed open at the same time, revealing an anxious Quatre at one and a demonic flamingo at the other.  
  
"They're both mine, Relena!" Quatre shouted. "Go Gundam-mon hunting somewhere else!"  
  
Relena responded with a 'Nyaaarrrrrr!' in Quatre's general direction and then lunged toward the table, sending an empty Gundam-ball careening towards Duo. Quatre was only a split second behind, throwing another empty Gundam-ball at Wufei.  
  
"What the? Aaaah!" Wufei's scream was abruptly cut off by the Gundam-ball suddenly encasing his body in its snazzy plastic.  
  
Quatre glared at the demonic flamingo with a stare that seemed incredibly wrong on the otherwise innocent looking blonde teenager. Relena had gotten the Duo before him. It was probably also the reason why there were no Heeros about either. Relana simply stared back at him and flapped its grotesque wings.  
  
"My Gundam-mon could defeat yours any day!" Quatre challenged. "Trowa! Wufei! I choose you!"  
  
"Nyaaaaarrrrrr!" Relena flung out its Heero containing Gundam-ball and Duo containing Gundam-ball at the same time. All four pilots materialized and stared blankly at each other.  
  
Duo looked at Trowa. "What just happened?"  
  
Trowa ignored him and tried to fix his uni-bang.  
  
Wufei looked about bewildered. "Where are my Sugar-choco-powdered-justice- crispies?"  
  
Without even looking around him Heero walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs to the bedroom above. The other pilots shrugged after a minute and silently followed suit.  
  
"Wait!" Quatre called. "You don't understand! I'm your master! You have to fight when I say fight!" He looked uneasily at the demonic flamingo. "Oh dear."  
  
Duo turned around halfway up the staircase. "Come on, Quatre. We've decided you're finally old enough to learn the atomic wedgy spoon."  
  
Quatre grinned, suddenly forgetting he ever wanted to be a Gundam-mon master. "Oh, okay." He ran up the stairs to catch up with Duo, leaving the demonic flamingo to sulk and drool acid on the kitchen floor. 


End file.
